Sunday, 16 December 2012

Human Feel

I don't feel like a human being.
I don't feel like a girl, a woman, a female.

I am grasping for straws that are out of reach.
I have a mind. I have my own set of morals, which seem like they are diminishing as more restrictions are fenced up.

The more thoughts I have as they struggle through the fog, the more I don't care about why they are not allowed.

I'm being boxed up like an animal, tamed to never have a thought and obediently leaping through the set hoops.

I don't feel real. I am imaginary. A figment of someone's twisted mind, paired to create some creature that is out of place.

I suppose I want to feel like I can break through this dream-like state and inject myself into a reality that makes me happy.

I am realizing that I am not happy.
Can walls without doors make anyone happy?

All these words that contradict. All these pains that only exist.
I'm deathly afraid of something that can only do me good.

I want to leave. I want to find a me. I want to be free.
But I feel so numb, like my limbs are dangling and I can only think.

I need to act. To show I am a person. A person who has grown up into an adult. An adult that needs to know who the hell she is.

Because I'm fairly certain she is someone.

Maybe a human being. Maybe I'm a human being. Maybe I can do more than just feel.
I may need to follow the vocal instructions and never come back to this cage.


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