Disruption of Plans

I like being in control. More specifically, I like being able to control my own plans.

And not having others, particularly my parents, disrupt my plans for their own selfish reasoning. 

And without discussing them with me, either.

I feel like a child. Sugar-coating words and coddling me.

And I thought I was entitled to being treated like the adult I should be.

When will I grow up? When will you let me?

I'm not so easily pushed down. Shove me, toss me, push me. I'll get right back up.

I'm my own rock. I have a road I'm ready to take. 

I'm stacked and structure with passion. Motivation. Dedication. 

Just let me go. 

I've built my own world beyond this home. Beyond this city. Beyond this office.

My age is not limited. Nor is my innocent, doe-eyed face. 

My mind is beyond my life. And my life is beyond these restrictions you've all labelled and pasted onto me.

I'm not a tack-on board. Unpin me.

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A Better Time

This is a time for change, for self-improvement. 
I need to grow up. I am in need of growing up.
This is a time to become someone.
Wouldn't it be awesome to be someone I love?

I got a haircut.
Which is really big for me, considering I'm on a leash grasped tight in my father's traditional ways. 
My waist length hair is shoulder length now, and boy, if only you saw the mountain of hair around me. 
The last time I played a stunt like this, albeit with intentions only to hurt, I had just climbed off the plane from strict Pakistan, and my father didn't talk to me for a year. 
It was hurtful. It was painful.
A year is a long time to feel hated.

I'm just glad that we regained our close relationship. 
Although, since my father is in Pakistan right now, this might not have been a good time.
But hopefully, after seeing me on Skype yesterday, he'll have some time to get over it. 
I hope, and I pray. 

But this needs to be done.
I need to grow up.

(And after prospects for an arranged marriage were rejected for being unacceptable for me, I've gotta figure out my own future. Holy amazon, that's a story in itself I'm at a loss for.. Starting a mindset I am not accustomed to believe was in my power.. And how the hell does "love" play in this game??)

Anyways.
The only person who can figure you out is yourself. 
And if that's not true, please, reevaluate why that is.
I did, and now I have a purpose.

Feeling refreshed and light, I'm going to better myself.
Because now is a better time than never.

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BTF: Awake and In Thought

I'm taking a break before I properly dry my hair and stuff my long-forgotten purse with necessities.
A girls day at the mall with some pretty amazing gals. It's strange that now that exams are here in a week, my schedule has been packed with get-togethers with friends and shopping trips.

I'm just taking a moment to finally realize that I'm a big girl now. I mean, I've been 19 since October but the finality of growing up hasn't really settled in (probably because I'm still tied to the tight leash held by my parents...). This is my moment to find myself and experience everything :)

This time, last year, I was a mess. I carried on my mess for two semesters of university, dwelling on it throughout my summer and only confronting my depression a couple weeks before I started university again the following fall. It took a lot of convincing from others (I love you all for your support!) and the push of bravery from myself, to realize that I need to do things at my own pace and find something I truly enjoy. 

It seems simple and obvious, but sometimes the most obvious can easily slip from under your nose and leave you feeling stranded. I was fortunate to have my friends catch what I missed, and I'm truly grateful for their concern. 

And with their same support and concerns, I was advised to take up something to relieve the stress I had built up over the last year with my struggles and loneliness. And that's when I remembered that I liked to write (though I am a bit rusty at times now), so this blog was born. 

All of you who pass through this blog as a fleeting visitor; I adore you for the time to dwell a moment into my fictional mind (that will expand, probably for the greater bad.. teehee!). 

Fans don't come easy, I understand. I'll still attempt to woo you all (I'm learning how to ;) yeah, I'm a socially awkward beast)!

Ah, my attempts at wooing... I used the skills I learned from a book (I borrow strange 'how-to's' from the library. They don't question me about it anymore) and after a successful flirting session, I had managed a number, a free pair of shoelaces (yeah.. my brothers were extremely happy though!), and a thorough seminar in longboards (he works at West49). I still have to work on the exit though because he wouldn't let me leave as he talked on and on, and showed off his skills. 

I'm trying to be human, I swear!

Anyways, thank you for reading! I can't tell you all how much I appreciate the traffic :) 

-smoochies!!-

I'll be posting a story of some sort later this evening, just gotta decide whether it'll be another JournalWord (I've got quite a few of those now), a list (haven't done on in a while), or a continuation of You've Got Male Models (do you wanna know what Chris comes home to? ;P). 

Drop me a hint of what you'd like :)

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